Beyonce, ever the enemy of animals and animals rights groups, copped to taping a baby alligator's mouth shut not long ago. This past week, the diva paid a visit to the zoo in Sydney, Australia, causing dozens of species of endangered animals to release high-pitched squeals and hide under the nearest rock. While Beyonce's visit appears to have been for recreational purposes, many speculate that she was researching the steps involved in gluing a koala bear to a tree, tying a kangaroo's paws together, or forcing a dingo into back-up singer status.

Earlier this week rock fans gathered in Los Angeles at Rock-N-Roll Bingo, a benefit for the environmental non-profit group Treepeople. Members of Fishbone and The Dead Kennedys called numbers during the game, leaving environmental activist Bobby Kennedy, Jr. to drown in a pool of mixed emotions.

Trouble in Malibu! What began as a simple rumbling of discontent has grown into a full-scale celebrity-styled roar. Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Cindy Crawford, Dick Van Dyke, Tea Leoni, Ted Danson, Jane Seymour, and Darryl Hannah gathered beachside to surf, swim, and enjoy a pancake brunch—all as a means of protesting a new natural gas facility planned for fourteen miles off Malibu's coast. The Governator, not present at the event, has the power to stop the development by lifting a pen to a piece of paper. It remains unclear whether or not Arnold is strong enough to do it.

The William Morris Agency, which represents Scarlett Johansson and scores of other stars, announced this week that they'll be moving into a brand new eco-friendly green building in Beverly Hills in the next few years. Millions of Americans reacted with joy, but many were extremely distressed at the news—according to some traditional Western beliefs, Hollywood agents voluntarily doing the right thing is an irrefutable sign of the apocalypse.