When the Dave Matthews Band tours this summer, they'll be offsetting their carbon emissions through NativeEnergy. Sources close to the band say that they've always been passionate about the protection of the environment. Frankly, we think they may just still feel guilty about that whole "careless dumping of 800 pounds of human waste into a river" incident.

Muhammed Ali bested Sonny Liston and Joe Frazier, but his latest challenger is probably too huge to be knocked out by one man. GOAT Foods, a new food line to be introduced by the Greatest Of All Time, is designed to combat childhood obesity and put the focus on healthy diets for young people. Executives at the development company said that it's also very important that the food taste good, noting that, "It doesn't matter how good it is for them if they won't eat it." On the other hand, if Ali is still sharp enough to appear threatening in the commercials, we bet he can get anybody to eat anything.

In the Navy! You can deafen dolphins and whales! In the Navy! You can beach aquatic wildlife! Not long ago, Pierce Brosnan narrated a video produced by the NRDC to raise awareness of the dangers posed to marine animals by naval usage of high-intensity sonar. Now the NRDC is joining with Jean-Michel Cousteau, the Ocean Futures Society, and others, in taking legal action to prevent further damage to whales, dolphins, and other underwater species in a 210,000 square mile area in the waters offshore of Hawaii. The lawsuit aims to put a stop to an elaborate eight-nation high-intensity sonar "war game" that began on Monday after receiving authorization from George W. Bush's National Marine Fisheries Service to kill as many as 25,000 protected marine mammals. The site of the exercise is very near the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands National Marine Monument that President Bush created earlier this month when he was inspired to protect aquatic life after a screening of a film made by... Jean-Michel Cousteau. Bush lovers praised the president for his crafty lulling of whales into a false sense of security and then turning the tides with a preemptive military attack.

Fresh from the Department of Hypocrisy, Kentucky's Governor Ernie Fletcher, now making his second consecutive Green Room appearance, is driven back and forth between his home and his office in a Lincoln Town Car despite the fact that his administration is in the midst of a campaign to get more Kentuckians to walk and ride bicycles for the sake of health. This may not be especially shocking, until you consider that Fletcher lives in the Governor's Mansion, which is directly across the street from his workplace, a distance former Kentucky Governor Julian Carroll calls "500 feet or less." Not only does Fletcher set a bad health example, but his routine is a ludicrous waste of fossil fuel energy. The governor's supporters claim that Fletcher rides in a car for security purposes only, while critics point out that nobody would want to hurt the obscure politician if he didn't continually make a show of his idiocy.

Whenever and wherever Al Gore pops up, it seems somebody is there to call him a boring dullard. The long list of name-callers has a new entry: Bender the robot from Matt Groening's television show Futurama. Gore was confronted by the cartoon character after sarcastically claiming that he does indeed play "a streetwise pimp tryin' to save his little brother from the thug life," in his new movie. Gore then beats Bender senseless with a baseball bat. Seriously. No, we're not joking. Look for yourself! And think twice the next time you're thinking about calling Gore boring.